When my daughter was in college, they had a family weekend each year that included attendance at a football game allowing one to swelter three hours in a humid 90-degree sauna claiming to be a stadium. As we were walking to the arena, I noticed several signs posted in front of marked spaces announcing FOOTBALL PARKING. This sounded exciting and I wanted to hang around to watch. My daughter urged me forward so instead I asked her how it worked. Did the ball wobble back and forth as it maneuvered its way into the space? The space seemed large for one football, so I also wanted to know if several of the balls shared a space. My daughter had a friend with her and felt for some reason she had to say some things about her father.
While running one morning in the dark, visibility low, I came across two signs near to each other. One said BLIND DRIVEWAY and the other BLIND CORNER. I felt I should warn my fellow runners of the danger we faced as we with visibility impaired approached both a driveway and a corner with no visibility at all. I feared a disastrous collision resulting in bodily harm. I was shocked no one else seemed concerned.
During the latest election a TV station produced a voter guide, which I thought was a good move indeed. Imagine how surprised and pleased I was when the show’s anchor said, “Go to our voter guide to get the answer to any question.” Imagine that. How wonderful! At the time I was working on a math problem and I couldn’t make any headway. But when I went to the indicated website for help, it had nothing to do with math at all. I felt betrayed.
In a book I was reading there was the following passage. He said, “Call me Roger.” Mary said, “Same for me.” Why would Mary want to be called Roger? I foresaw confusion ahead as I strove to untangle who was speaking or acting or listening. For some reason, though, that turned out not to be a problem.
I don’t watch much TV, but I’ve seen a couple of commercials, often pushing some expensive health product that will cure a terrible medical problem and hopefully won’t cause any of the side effects listed in tiny print at the bottom of the screen and announced with a singular lack of clarity by a speaker who previously won an award for reading aloud a 372 page book in 20 minutes. What impressed me most about the commercial was the assurance that the individuals making it were “real people, not actors.” I was astounded to learn that all the plays I’ve gone to, all the movies I’ve seen, all the operas I’ve attended, all of them, were presented by robots.
Last November there was an article in our local paper with the headline “Multiplying monkeys at state park could become a problem.” Why on earth would that be an upsetting situation? If anything, I would think it would be a great draw to increase attendance. Imagine going up to a monkey and asking it to find the product of 723 and 2819 and watching it produce 2,038,137. I wondered if it used an abacus. Maybe the park could charge extra and allow the monkeys to do some tutoring on the side.
I can’t help but wonder what you must be thinking about me now.