robertbrigham-books
  • Home
  • About the author
  • Books by Robert
    • When Your Lover Dies
    • Math Is Murder
    • Murder by the Numbers
    • You're Almost There
    • Patriotism
  • Leave Feedback
  • Fluff & Tough(

So That's What It Means

4/10/2019

1 Comment

 
Statements others have no difficulty interpreting often send me musing.
 
When my daughter was in college, they had a family weekend each year that included attendance at a football game allowing one to swelter three hours in a humid 90-degree sauna claiming to be a stadium. As we were walking to the arena, I noticed several signs posted in front of marked spaces announcing FOOTBALL PARKING. This sounded exciting and I wanted to hang around to watch. My daughter urged me forward so instead I asked her how it worked. Did the ball wobble back and forth as it maneuvered its way into the space? The space seemed large for one football, so I also wanted to know if several of the balls shared a space. My daughter had a friend with her and felt for some reason she had to say some things about her father.
 
While running one morning in the dark, visibility low, I came across two signs near to each other. One said BLIND DRIVEWAY and the other BLIND CORNER. I felt I should warn my fellow runners of the danger we faced as we with visibility impaired approached both a driveway and a corner with no visibility at all. I feared a disastrous collision resulting in bodily harm. I was shocked no one else seemed concerned.
 
During the latest election a TV station produced a voter guide, which I thought was a good move indeed. Imagine how surprised and pleased I was when the show’s anchor said, “Go to our voter guide to get the answer to any question.” Imagine that. How wonderful! At the time I was working on a math problem and I couldn’t make any headway. But when I went to the indicated website for help, it had nothing to do with math at all. I felt betrayed.
 
In a book I was reading there was the following passage. He said, “Call me Roger.” Mary said, “Same for me.” Why would Mary want to be called Roger? I foresaw confusion ahead as I strove to untangle who was speaking or acting or listening. For some reason, though, that turned out not to be a problem.
 
I don’t watch much TV, but I’ve seen a couple of commercials, often pushing some expensive health product that will cure a terrible medical problem and hopefully won’t cause any of the side effects listed in tiny print at the bottom of the screen and announced with a singular lack of clarity by a speaker who previously won an award for reading aloud a 372 page book in 20 minutes. What impressed me most about the commercial was the assurance that the individuals making it were “real people, not actors.” I was astounded to learn that all the plays I’ve gone to, all the movies I’ve seen, all the operas I’ve attended, all of them, were presented by robots.
 
Last November there was an article in our local paper with the headline “Multiplying monkeys at state park could become a problem.” Why on earth would that be an upsetting situation? If anything, I would think it would be a great draw to increase attendance. Imagine going up to a monkey and asking it to find the product of 723 and 2819 and watching it produce 2,038,137. I wondered if it used an abacus. Maybe the park could charge extra and allow the monkeys to do some tutoring on the side.
 
I can’t help but wonder what you must be thinking about me now.

1 Comment
Adrienne Katz
5/8/2019 07:00:01 am

I "literally" am "laughing out loud" (lol) and figuratively "rolling on the floor laughing!" (Rotfl) Thanks, I needed that!!

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.

    Archives

    November 2025
    October 2025
    September 2025
    August 2025
    July 2025
    June 2025
    May 2025
    April 2025
    March 2025
    February 2025
    January 2025
    November 2024
    October 2024
    September 2024
    August 2024
    July 2024
    April 2024
    March 2024
    February 2024
    January 2024
    November 2023
    October 2023
    September 2023
    August 2023
    July 2023
    June 2023
    May 2023
    April 2023
    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed