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Excuse Me, Sir, Your Insecurity Is Showing

6/30/2018

There is so much I don’t know about creative writing. I never took a course. I never attended a writer’s group. I never read a book on the subject. Why on earth not? And how dare I claim to be a writer?

I’ve reflected on this for some time. I’ve come to the conclusion that the main source of my hesitation derives from feeling way out of my comfort zone. Put me in front of a classroom and I’m in my element (at least if I know what I’m teaching). Let me run in a race and I know I won’t wind up last. Place me in charge of a committee and I’ll be efficient and effective. But as a writer I feel I’m at the bottom of the totem pole.

And I’m just plumb scared of opening myself to criticism of my endeavors. Not a great attitude for learning.

But it’s more than just that. I know how I am when dealing with an expert in a subject in which I feel less knowledgeable. A plumber, for example, or musician or gardener. Or a professional writer.

Here’s my problem. When someone makes a suggestion about my writing, my immediate reaction is to assume I’m wrong and to change what I’ve done to reflect the criticism. Because I think that person knows more than I. But when I’ve responded in the manner recommended, I’ve often been disappointed with the result. Is it just stubbornness, or could my own approach actually have been the better? I’m not sure I know.

I’m reminded of a critique that was the result of a review by an “experienced” author that came with one of my self-publishing packages. I did wonder, by the way, if this “expert” was so successful, why he or she was spending time evaluating the bumbling works of a bunch of hacks.

This review blasted me for not properly observing the rules for “point of view.” As I understand it, that means in any one scene, or maybe any one chapter, or maybe even an entire book, only one character’s view is expressed using one of first, second or third person mode. I’m ashamed to say I’d never heard of the concept. I asked a high school English teacher friend who said of course they studied point of view in her class.

So I tried to follow the rule, rewriting large portions of my criticized book. Most of the time that seemed the natural approach, and I did learn from the exercise and consider it seriously in my current writing. But there were occasions when it seemed desirable and natural to switch between two or more points of view in the same scene. And I couldn’t understand why that was such a sin. Especially when I found Nora Roberts doing it in one of her books. And especially since an online column by a fellow named Jerry Jenkins said J. K. Rowling “gloriously breaks this rule.” So, in my ignorance, or I suppose some could say stupidity, I did not and do not worry about the evil of nonobservance.

I have read books about writing by Pat Conroy and Stephen King. I gather from both that I began my career about 70 years too late in life. One mentioned, and I can’t remember which one, that he was not enamored with writing groups. So that’s my excuse for not following the advice of one of my mathematical colleagues. He writes science fiction. Been doing it for years and is quite good. He told me about his participation in a group where people read their work and receive criticism. I see him once a year now, at our department’s annual holiday party. He never fails to encourage me to come to his group, although after more than a decade of importuning I think he’s realizing it’s probably not going to happen.

So I guess I’m just going to muddle through, learning from reading the works of the truly talented and trying my best. To some extent it’s working. I think I’m getting better.

And when in doubt I pull out the following justification used to legitimize all sorts of bad behavior over the centuries: If one functions only according to rules, how can innovation occur?

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Royalties

6/23/2018

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A book jacket states Nora Roberts has written more than 200 novels and has over 500 million copies of her books in print. Michael Connelly has 60 million. Any number of popular authors can boast sales in excess of 10 million.

Can you imagine their royalty checks? Even at only one dollar per book—and even I get more than that.

I remember well the heady feeling when I started to write, absolutely certain of the future: selection of my work as a favored book by Oprah Winfrey, an interview on the PBS NewsHour, and an Edgar Award presented by the Mystery Writers of America.

And huge royalty checks that would permit the purchase of a Prius, or maybe even a Volt.

I currently drive a Hyundai Elantra, indicating the future is not yet here.

I had one gigantic royalty check. Over $50 as I recall, based on a full very good year. Most of the other returns, paid quarterly, run as much as $2.52.

How do these extravagant sums get computed? Here’s what my latest publisher states on its web page:

   35% of list price for printed books sold through publisher
   15% of list price for printed books sold elsewhere (e.g., Amazon)
   50% of list price for Ebooks priced under $8.95
   55% of what publisher receives for Ebooks priced under $10 sold elsewhere

Clearly I’m better off if the book is purchased from my publisher. On my website I usually position the publisher’s button first, before Amazon, Barnes & Noble and other sources. A bit of clever marketing shenanigans, don’t you think? On the other hand, full disclosure demands I say the book itself or its shipping might be cheaper elsewhere. And, really, I’m ecstatic if a book sells from any site whatsoever.

What is better, though, is if I can sell from my own hoard. I’m able to buy books at a good price from my publisher (if I order 50 or more) and then sell them directly for anything I want. Of course, I never go above the publisher’s established charge.

This direct sale approach, however, presumes a physical connection between seller and buyer. Planned book signings effectively fill this need. These usually attract friends who are being, well, friends. And because they are friends they often purchase a book. So because of them and their generosity, I’ve made several sales. I’ve had a signing at a bookstore for When Your Lover Dies, and a couple more at my home.

I’d planned one after Patriotism was published, but for a variety of reasons it hasn’t worked out. As a result, I have in my office two boxes of that exciting novel!

One of my publishers encourages authors to sell through the authors' websites. I’ve got to admit that sounds like fun. But then I’d have to develop a way to accept money. It’s probably not as difficult as it seems. I know I was panicked when I first got the “Square” so I can take credit card payments via my iPhone. But that turned out to be easy and even worked a few times. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work without a physical card to swipe. Also I’d have to charge for shipping. And there would be the wrapping and sending. Being basically lazy, I have not yet even considered that route. I need a helper.

This latest book, Patriotism, has been available for over six months. So far no royalty checks have poured in. Guess I’m just going to have to wait for that Volt!

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Made for TV

6/16/2018

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I have a strange daughter, R, who has a strange acquaintance, M. They met at college, roomed together for a while, and became lifelong friends. What makes them strange? They have quirky creative minds. When together their inventiveness has no bounds—as you shall see. They also are two of the loveliest young women I have had the pleasure of knowing.

I made the mistake of letting them see an early draft of Math Is Murder. It was terrible. In fact, I set it aside for years before I had the courage to again attack it, and then only with the help of a coauthor. But that early draft was destined to live in infamy.

One day I received a book as a gift. Its title was Math Is Murder. And it listed me as the author. Inside was a printout of that dreadful draft. The back cover included recommendations by several known reviewers and an indication I was a #1 Bestselling New York Times Author. For such an author, it was a bit of a shock to discover what I received was the only copy in existence! R bears the main responsibility for the gift, but she assures me M supplied input. Beginning to see what I mean about them?

If only that had been the end of it, but the two had another collaboration in mind. They decided that same awful draft was perfect for a video. They searched the text for two things. First for the basics of the story in order to boil it down to a few minutes of show time. Second for the very worst dialogue that has ever been written.

My initial knowledge of this version of R and M’s conniving came in the form of a box presented to me. One item therein was a video tape. Clearly this was a while back. Popping it into the player I howled with laughter as my serious story of murder, in somewhat different form from the original, played out in front of me. I guess that’s what all authors say, isn’t it, the video doesn’t accurately reflect the book. What I imagine most authors do not say, but I in all honesty must, is that the video is by far more entertaining.

R and M had created sock puppets for the characters they allowed to remain in the tale and these puppets were the actors. Then, in typical puppeteer fashion, the diabolical R and M had crouched below the top of a table and placed the puppets above the table edge for filming while mouthing some of the most atrocious lines that have ever been written. I loved every second while simultaneously being grateful no one else had seen the manuscript.

The puppets were the other objects in the box. Several years ago I downsized from a large home to one much smaller. Every object was subjected to a litmus test to see if it would secure passage to the new home. The box passed without debate.

Lest you cross Math Is Murder off your list, I feel I must promise that the current version is a vast improvement over that early draft immortalized on tape and I am happy with it. So please don’t hesitate to investigate it.

Even at this point there was to be no peace for me. They, along with M’s family, decided to produce youtube advertisements for a couple of my books. You should check them out to see how I have suffered.

Math Is Murder is hyped at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOBRZ-Qw3gs

There is a character named Jim in both Math Is Murder and Murder by the Numbers. He is commemorated in song at https://youtu.be/kz7FcBqtiYc

An advertisement for Murder by the Numbers can be found at https://youtu.be/SKKqb_EFcVE

I just rewatched these. I am so thankful for my strange daughter, R, and her strange acquaintance, M.

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Some Books I've Enjoyed

6/9/2018

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I don’t place much faith in book endorsement lists. After all, they may result from nothing more than a popularity contest fueled by sales or the opinion of a so-called expert whose interests don’t match mine. So please don’t interpret what’s coming as recommendations. These simply are books I’ve read recently and enjoyed.

The first is Origin, the latest by Dan Brown, author of the bestselling The Da Vinci Code and Angels & Demons, among others. It’s set mainly in Spain in the near future. I know many don’t like Brown. Some feel he’s anti the Catholic church and I can see how they might believe that. I enjoy his tales, but what I really like is the detailed descriptions of the many historical sites arising in the stories. I’ve not heard of most of them, but he assures his readers they actually exist. I believe him because I googled several and found photos every time.

I think Ken Follett’s trilogy The Pillars of the Earth, World Without End and A Column of Fire is fantastic. While related, each stands alone and, although it’s probably wise to read in order, it’s not necessary. Collectively they take place mainly in England from the twelfth to the sixteenth century. Follett gives us insights into the daily lives of the various classes of the times: Royalty, nobility, warriors, clergy, businessmen, peasants. It was not a good time to be a woman! Characters come alive as we observe them grow through the span of decades, with the immature youthful traits blossoming into the cruelty, kindness or competence they portended. Multiple plots intertwine as the “good” folk overcome adversities only to have advances foiled by the evil of the greedy or inhumanity of the violent. These are not always easy reads with people you like being murdered, grisly descriptions of animal killings on the hunt, cruelty on the battle field and torture. But they are riveting and, despite each being massive in size, they are finished all too soon.

Set roughly in the same period as A Column of Fire is The Last Tudor by Philippa Gregory. Most will recall that Lady Jane Grey was England’s queen for nine full days until deposed and then executed by Henry VIII’s daughter Mary. But I at least had no knowledge of Jane’s two younger sisters Catherine and Mary, both of whom posed possible threats to Mary’s successor, Elizabeth, who feared the birth of a potentially legitimate claimant to the throne. Being of noble birth in Elizabethan times had its drawbacks. This historical novel presents a captivating story of the sisters’ lives.

Another trilogy, this one set in the 1980’s, is as violent as Follett’s work, and equally enthralling. It’s Greg Iles’ Natchez Burning, The Bone Tree and Mississippi Blood. These should be read in order. The two series have several similarities. The subplots are many and cleverly contrived. In some ways the cruelty and brutality of Iles’ books are more difficult to endure, perhaps because the setting is in my own country in a time period not far past and related to an issue, segregation, which still haunts us. The story, and it’s really just one long story, intertwines with the Kennedy and King assassinations in a way that will delight conspiracy theorists. One might think the series, filling 2,300 pages total, could not possibly hold the reader’s interest the entire time. Not so. The narrative is mesmerizing and unpredictable without letup.

A completely different read is counting by 7s (the lack of capitalization follows the book cover) by Holly Goldberg Sloan, sent to me by my niece. I believe it’s considered a young adult read, But I consider it also an any adult read as well as a younger than young adult read. Willow Chance is an extraordinarily bright girl with loving parents who is dealt a cruel blow. How she handles it with the aid of special people who enter her life is a heartwarming story that brings laughter, tears, admiration and joy.

All these personal favorites have a common factor. They make me envious of the authors, each of whom possesses superb story telling ability. I would love to write like any one of them.

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Book Signing Angst

6/2/2018

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Probably the first time it happened was because of a friend, a really good friend as demonstrated by her willingness to purchase one of my books. What a thrill it was! Money was exchanged for something I created from scratch. Yes, I know you’ve noticed that, while the friendship was a great one, it didn’t achieve the level of my actually giving the book away.

But the friend did want something from me. “Please sign it,” she said.

Gulp! What should I say? Where do I say it? How do I inscribe my name?

The problem is compounded when participating in a book signing event and people you don’t know have made a purchase.

When faced with this new problem I did what I normally do.

I panicked.

Then I googled—and found great tips. Didn’t solve all the problems but I learned the trepidation I was experiencing was shared by many inexperienced authors.

Problem 1: What instrument do I use? Well, there’s a no-brainer. Obviously, a pen. But not one of the 12 in a package you might pick up at a dollar store. It’s best if the pen actually works. Fortunately, this was a hurdle easily overcome as I already had an excellent one given to me by my nephew. I have dedicated it to book signing duties.

Problem 2: Where do I sign? I checked my collection of books that possessed author signatures. They all were on the title page—until one wasn’t. However, that one included a lengthy thank you for my contribution to the book, so it made sense to incorporate it on the blank page that usually occurs at some point before the title page. My internet sites agree on the title page so that was my decision.

Problem 3: How do I begin? Most like their name as a salutation, so it’s a good idea to get it right. If you don’t, you have to provide them with another book and pretty much say goodbye to the one incorrectly annotated. So I ask the name she’d like in the dedication and she responds, “Katherine.” Easy enough. But wait, did she really say “Catherine” or “Katharine” or “Kathryn?” Clearly more input is required and I always ask for a spelling, even on such simple names as “Steve.”

Problem 4: What do I write? Sometimes it’s easy. There are some books I do give away. My wife and children rate one each and usually the word “love” makes it to the page. Others receiving my largess are those with whom I consulted on the book or who helped edit it. A variant of the phrase “thanks” appears. But what should I do for all others? My sites include suggestions such as “In gratitude” and “Much appreciation.” Now it isn’t that I’m not appreciative of someone willing to buy my work, but these sound a bit desperate to me. Thus, with little online guidance, I resort to what I feel are warmer messages. Things like “Hope you enjoy” or “It’s great running with you.” So far folks seem content.

Problem 5: The signature. Do I sign it “Bob” when it goes to a friend, or do I say “Robert Brigham,” even to a friend? My sites say always use the full name, but I wind up asking what the purchaser wants, reminding him that when I’m famous the full signature might be worth more. So far no one has worried about that possibility. One site implores me to make the signature readable. Preston and Child must have missed that command.

Problem 6: Make special preparations for handling long lines of potential signees. Please please let me have to worry about that!

Unfortunately, I haven’t signed a lot of books over the years, but each one is a thrill and I truly am honored when someone wants me to.

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Excuse Me, Sir, Your Insecurity Is Showing

Royalties

Made for TV

Some Books I've Enjoyed

Book Signing Angst

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