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You? Write a Book?

2/24/2018

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To many of my acquaintances it seems impossible for anyone to write a book, and especially if that anyone is me!
 
It must not be impossible, though, because thousands of tomes are created every year. Different writers have different approaches to reaching their goal. How do I handle it?
 
When I first started to write it indeed seemed a huge undertaking. But is it so different from painting a two-story house—or running a half marathon?
 
What? Writing a book is like painting and running!
 
Yes, at least in one sense. All three are big jobs. And how do you get a big job done?
 
You complete a series of small jobs.
 
You don’t paint a house. You paint a portico, and when that’s done the top half of one side, then the bottom of that side, then the window trim on that side, and so on until the job is done.
 
You don’t run a 13-mile race until you’ve trained to run a mile, and then two, and then four, and so on.
 
So the approach I take is this. I commit to a single doable task every day: Write for half an hour. No other goal. I don’t have to complete a chapter. I don’t even have to produce good prose. I just have to apply myself for 30 minutes. Often I wind up glued to my computer for one or two hours. Most days my output is two to five pages. But over time they accumulate to hundreds and an entire book is born.
 
Unfortunately, those multi-hundred pages usually are terrible. At this point I want to toss in the towel. I’ve spent months creating junk. I have no business doing this and am ready to give up. The story’s dull, uninteresting, full of holes. The dialog could have been written by a third grader. The characters aren’t three-dimensional.
 
Maybe this is too big a job for me!
 
But then new realizations surface. Sure, what I’ve produced is appalling, but at least I’ve proven to myself I can write lots of words. And there are some good sections in that awful mess. Time to move on.
 
I append “V1” (Version 1) to the document name of this first draft, create a new document with the same name except “V2” replaces “V1,” and start from scratch. This time, though, it’s easier. After all, I have some idea of what the story should be, and I can extract those good sections from V1. When I complete the book this time I’m still not happy with the result. But I begin to feel the smallest ray of hope.
 
Versions V3, V4, V5 follow, and with each I’m able to use more of the previous one.
 
Version V5, or whichever one is last, is the one I love the most and the one I hate the most. Much to my surprise, I now like the story. So what’s to hate? Because now I’ve got to make sure there are no unintended spelling and grammatical errors, or inconsistencies in the plot. I detest proofreading and, of course, I never find everything. But I try. I might wind up reading my baby 5, 10, maybe even 20 times. Finally I can stand it no longer and deem my creation ready for publication, feeling pleased.
 
I’m now on V1 of my next book.
 
I hate it!

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Continuing Characters

2/17/2018

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Who isn’t familiar with Sherlock Holmes? We picture his tall lean figure, his hawk-like features, his pipe, his funny cap, and perhaps most famous of all his magnifying glass. He has come to personify the deductive method in detection. We’ve seen him in books, the silver screen and TV.
 
Sherlock is an early example of a clever continuing character created by a crackerjack author. From what I’ve read, readers latched on to him and eagerly awaited the next installment of his exploits. When Arthur Conan Doyle tired of him, he arranged for his death.
 
Not too cool an idea, as it turned out. Over 20,000 devotees cancelled their subscriptions to The Strand magazine that published the lethal tale. Conan Doyle felt forced to bring Sherlock back! A bit tricky since he’d died.
 
It hooks the reader, doesn’t it, this development of a character that advances from story to story? I’m certainly not immune. When one of my favorites reappears in a new adventure, I know there’re many hours of enjoyment in store.
 
I have several I like, a very few of which are Spenser, A. X. L. Pendergast and Stephanie Plum.
 
I’d be hard pressed to pick a favorite, but if forced I might decide on Eve Dallas, a tough dedicated New York City homicide cop. She appears with her “zillionaire” husband Roark in the “Death” series, now roughly 50 books, set several decades in the future. J. D. Robb, a pseudonym for bestselling author Nora Roberts, is the gifted creator. When a new “Death” book appears on the scene, I interrupt whatever I’m currently reading and anticipate my immediate future.
 
Alas, all good things come to an end. Authors, like Conan Doyle, might decide they’ve had enough. They don’t have to kill off their hero; they can simply decide never to write again of his exploits. I wonder if these days the reaction would ever mirror the angry response of the Sherlock fans.
 
Sadly, sometimes a friend disappears because the author dies. I remember how shocked and upset I was when I heard of the passing of Robert Parker, creator of the Spenser novels, among others. There are many fans of that tough smart witty moral private eye. For me, though, it wasn’t only the love of Spenser per se, but also the brilliance of Parker’s writing. His short rapid paced staccato sentences thrilled me, whether it was a Spenser novel or another.
 
When an author passes, others sometimes appear to resurrect the character. This certainly has occurred repeatedly with Sherlock. A writer selected by Parker’s estate continues the Spenser series. He does an excellent job and I read him, but it’s not the same.
 
I can’t help admiring the concept of a continuing character? After all, every time a new story appears there are guaranteed sales. Suppose I had such a character and five people bought a book with three liking him. Then every future book would have three sales. I like to think big.
 
Of course, I’d need a lovable character. Maybe someone really bright, but perhaps a bit offbeat. Someone modest about his own professional achievements, but possessed of a childlike dream to be a great detective. Someone a bit clumsy. I don’t know. Sounds unlikely.
 
What’s that crash?
 
“Dammit to hell!”
 
Of course it’s Elmo. I should have known he’d reappear. It’s been several weeks since he inserted himself into these posts.
 
“Elmo, what are you doing on the floor?”
 
“What does it look like I’m doing? Obviously lying with my nose on the wood.”
 
This is often what talking with Elmo is like. “I meant why are you on the floor?”
 
“Oh. Well, if that’s what you mean just ask.”
 
“So?”
 
“So what?”
 
“So why are you on the floor?”
 
“Cause I tripped on this cute little doggie here. Kind of like how he’s licking my face. Hate to tell him I’m allergic.”
 
“Are you all right?”
 
“Sure, course I am. Came by to ask you something. Just wondering if you’d like me to help out with your next book, you know, solve any murders you might have. You’re aware the readers like me, aren’t you?”
 
Hmmm. What do you think, folks?

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Marketing

2/10/2018

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Let’s face it. I suck at marketing. All I want to do is write. Let the world beat its own path to my unsold book stockpile. The only problem is, the world doesn’t.
 
No worry. Help, it turns out, is everywhere, worming out of the woodwork of my dreams. It comes from my self-publishing company, from agencies and magazine publishers that have “found” and been taken by my latest book. Most begin their contact with “We’ve come across your book and think it can be a real seller.” That’s pretty heady. Did they actually read it? Imagine, someone in the business read my book (sure!) and thinks it’s worthwhile!
 
They want to place my book in fairs, sell the story to Hollywood, and get my name to the public via ads.
 
All pitches contain two key points. First, what they propose will do wonders for sales. Second, what they propose will cost.
 
When I balk, they’re happy to show me the error of my ways. You can’t make money unless you spend money, they say. No one will buy your book unless they know about your book. And the one I like the best: If you don’t want to follow my suggestion, I guess you don’t really believe in your work.
 
Some of the points might be valid, so maybe the offerings should be checked out. Ah, that’s the delusional thinking of a Stephen King wannabe. Although if I’m thinking it, and I have, I’m definitely not at that moment believing it’s delusional. No harm in checking prices, right?
 
Turns out a book fair runs to a few hundred dollars and a movie pitch to several thousand. Just a couple of days ago I spoke to a guy who felt the best thing for me was a half-page ad in a literary magazine with two million readers. The cost is only $1600 dollars but, with a 40% discount valid until the end of the month, it’s a steal at $1050. I declined to correct his math.
 
I’m ashamed to say that early on I bought into a couple of the lesser priced schemes. I can report the pitches made by the proponents are 50% accurate. They were right about one of the two: they do cost money. But on the other they fell short: they do absolutely nothing for sales.
 
Now, when I’m in the mood, I ask embarrassing questions during their unsolicited call. Like what specifically did they relish about my book. A little difficult to answer when they haven’t read what they claim to appreciate so much. Like do they realize how many books would have to be sold to break even? They consider this unimportant.
 
These guys, and so far the contacts have always been male, are tenacious to the max. They never let go, even when I tell them their time would be more fruitful looking for a different, well, I don’t say sucker, but that’s what I mean. When I tell them I’d fallen for similar requests in the past with absolutely no benefit, they speak on how what they are offering is different. Hah!
 
Having knocked what self-publishing companies do, I have to put in a good word for my latest one, BookLocker, a different animal from most. From the beginning they tell their authors not to spend any significant money on advertising; market on your own. Then they GIVE you a hundred plus page document describing all sorts of things you can do for little or no money. It has been a refreshing association.
 
This blog is one of BookLocker’s suggestions. Unfortunately it has not “gone viral,” even though it has been fun working on it.
 
The problem isn’t BookLocker’s suggestions; it’s what I started this post with. I don’t like marketing and I do like writing. So I have come to the conclusion that that’s exactly what I should do. It has been fun fantasizing for several years about appearing on the Oprah show or perhaps the PBS News Hour. Now it’s time to just relax and enjoy life. And if the urge to see my name in print persists, maybe it’s enough to achieve it through mathematics.
 
I’ll keep my website. I’ll keep forcing business cards on reluctant recipients. I’ll keep blogging, at least for a while. But I’ll turn most of my attention to my latest book, which I have neglected too long, with a resolve to make it even better than my others.
 
And I will never admit that in my dreams, maybe, just maybe, an angel will appear unbidden and take my books to the world.

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Self-Publishing

2/3/2018

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You rush to the mailbox and, finally, there it is. The letter from ABC Publishing House you’ve been waiting three months for. You tear it open.
 
We regret to inform you that your submission does not meet our current needs.
 
No reason specified.
 
No problem. There’s DEF Publishing and Agents X, Y, and Z still to try. Unfortunately, all respond with similar enthusiasm and over a year has been wasted. Someone tells you Hemingway received 45 rejections of his first book. It doesn’t help, and finally it dawns that Simon and Schuster will not knock on your door, that you are not going to find a publisher.
 
It’s a bitter blow. After all that work! So what’s a person to do if he thinks what he’s written is good, or if he’s so narcissistic he has to see his name in print? The answer finally emerges as it has for thousands of others who have produced excellent work: SELF-PUBLICATION!
 
A minimum search of the internet uncovers dozens of companies, perhaps hundreds, that guarantee to nurse your baby through all the steps required to create a version people can actually buy.
 
Their pitches indicate how self-publication is the wave of the future, the way to get your book known. Sure, you may be undiscovered now they say, but that’s because the established firms are missing out on a sure thing and self-publication is the road to riches. Hogwash! Oh, a very few are successful, but the sites don’t mention that, of the thousands of books they publish, only a handful make money.
 
Of course, all charge a fee, with prices, depending on services provided, ranging from a couple of hundred dollars to several thousand. You soon discover that “right at this moment” there is a half-priced sale that will last only until the end of the month. I think that’s when the next sale begins. If you check several sites, you can sometimes play them against each other to get a fairly low price.
 
How low?
 
Typically you can get a package that includes cover design (you can supply your own cover if desired), a small number of free books, copyright registration, Library of Congress control number, paperback and ebook versions, and ISBN assignment with listings on online bookstores and major distribution companies for $600 to $800.
 
Or you can pay considerably less and do more work yourself, such as formatting for the various ebook formats, not an easy task.
 
Or you can run off copies at your favorite duplicating service.
 
So you take the plunge, make the sacrifices in order to pay for whatever package you’ve chosen. You take advantage of the publisher’s (not so) good author discount price to buy 50 copies of your newly minted pride. They arrive in two heavy boxes and you feel like it’s your future.
 
You remove one lovingly, gazing with delight on the cover you had approved. Then on the back is that excellent photo of you, some comments about you, and a hint of the story. It all looks great. Most of the companies do a good job.
 
And you have 49 other copies waiting for lucky readers.
 
Who are those readers? Sure, a few friends will buy because they truly are friends. Some may even be happy they did once they read it. But if you’re going to “make money,” you need something more.
 
What you purchased to produce the book includes no marketing strategy of the type available from a standard publisher. Which means the bulk of the marketing falls on you, and I’ll discuss that next time.
 
Is it worth it? Depends. For me it is. I have loved producing novels and I would feel all the work was wasted if I didn’t have something tangible at the end.
 
Besides, the books look great on our coffee table.

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