To some people winning is everything. That’s essentially what a famous football coach, whose name I forget, said. I think many athletes feel this way. I believe there’s something about the competitive spirit that demands it. But others also have the attitude. To some it’s a matter of pride, it being a sign of weakness if one comes in second. I think such individuals may have an insecurity issue.
I started to consider this one evening when I was walking my dog. We came to a cross street that featured a four-way stop. I got to the corner and was ready to venture forth. Simultaneously a car approached going the same direction, and it was clear after it had stopped that it intended to turn left, passing over where I would walk. Which of us should take priority and which yield? Neither of us felt threatened about being outwitted so we each motioned the other to go ahead. Finally, he rode on with a wave of thanks.
In contrast, while driving I often have approached four-way stops, arriving slightly ahead of another car, but that car took off even as I was stopping and he was not. My reaction almost always is, so what, and I’m glad I didn’t assert my right which could have led to problems.
As another example, there was a guy in front of me in the grocery store checkout line who suddenly left, I suppose to retrieve a forgotten item. I moved up. Then he returned and demanded his place back. Completely inappropriate, but he was insistent. My mentioning his leaving allowed me to advance stirred him not a whit. He was a nasty guy, and I could see his wife was mortified by his behavior. I figured what the heck, and allowed him back in. Not being completely mature I asked him, “Do you feel better?” Slightly taken aback, he gave it one second of thought and declared, “Yes I do.” I said, “I’m glad.”
My point in all this, as I’m sure you realize, is that some things just aren’t worth fighting about.
And some things are.
Things, for example, that affect your family, your finances, your health, your safety.
The trick is to separate the two categories, and that is not always easy. Especially when there seems to be something inherent in humans that makes us want to retaliate when taken advantage of. In this age of such a large percentage of Americans carrying guns with little training and less emotional control, it’s a great time to not insist on winning in the traditional sense. Continuing to live is a huge win.
But even dealing with more sane antagonists, the decision must be made as to whether a win is really that important. I think, more often than one might have imagined, it is not.
I started to consider this one evening when I was walking my dog. We came to a cross street that featured a four-way stop. I got to the corner and was ready to venture forth. Simultaneously a car approached going the same direction, and it was clear after it had stopped that it intended to turn left, passing over where I would walk. Which of us should take priority and which yield? Neither of us felt threatened about being outwitted so we each motioned the other to go ahead. Finally, he rode on with a wave of thanks.
In contrast, while driving I often have approached four-way stops, arriving slightly ahead of another car, but that car took off even as I was stopping and he was not. My reaction almost always is, so what, and I’m glad I didn’t assert my right which could have led to problems.
As another example, there was a guy in front of me in the grocery store checkout line who suddenly left, I suppose to retrieve a forgotten item. I moved up. Then he returned and demanded his place back. Completely inappropriate, but he was insistent. My mentioning his leaving allowed me to advance stirred him not a whit. He was a nasty guy, and I could see his wife was mortified by his behavior. I figured what the heck, and allowed him back in. Not being completely mature I asked him, “Do you feel better?” Slightly taken aback, he gave it one second of thought and declared, “Yes I do.” I said, “I’m glad.”
My point in all this, as I’m sure you realize, is that some things just aren’t worth fighting about.
And some things are.
Things, for example, that affect your family, your finances, your health, your safety.
The trick is to separate the two categories, and that is not always easy. Especially when there seems to be something inherent in humans that makes us want to retaliate when taken advantage of. In this age of such a large percentage of Americans carrying guns with little training and less emotional control, it’s a great time to not insist on winning in the traditional sense. Continuing to live is a huge win.
But even dealing with more sane antagonists, the decision must be made as to whether a win is really that important. I think, more often than one might have imagined, it is not.
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