There are social situations which can be uncomfortable, especially if you are not naturally outgoing.
At a party, for example, where you are familiar with only a few and suddenly find yourself standing with a group of strangers discussing things unknown to you.
Or after a move to a new neighborhood and you meet those living close by.
I used to be one of those misfits. In the party situation I would smile appropriately, nod sagely at a statement being made, and swivel my head in a desperate search for the location of my wife so I could join her and dwell in the safety of her aura.
With a new neighbor I was better. I would smile, say “Good morning,” and hurry on. A bit like a teenager who can’t even see an adult being passed on the sidewalk.
Then something happened. I got older. There definitely are disadvantages to aging. But there are advantages too. One is that you care less than before if someone thinks you’re a nutcase for opening your mouth and initiating a conversation. So I no longer hesitate at doing just that. The question was what this newly freed mouth should emit.
I came to realize that there is one topic of conversation almost everyone likes.
Themselves.
And that topic was easy to initiate.
With pauses for appropriate responses, my input might go something like this. “Hi, my name is Bob and it’s nice to meet you.” “Do you live near here?” “How do you know (inert name of host/hostess)?” Now the real question.. “What kind of work do you do?” And suddenly there is immense enthusiasm for a true conversation with shy little me, including all those in the group where I made my bold interrogation.
And it’s interesting for me, because I enjoy learning about what interests others and that usually inspires follow-up questions.
It’s easier meeting new neighbors, especially when you have a cute dog to win hearts. Almost everyone likes dogs, and many will initiate conversations so they can pat my dog or introduce him to their dog. For those not enamored with my pooch, I simply tell them my name, that I just moved in, and I really like living in the area they do. And almost uniformly everyone is welcoming.
But one thing I’ve noticed is that while almost everyone loves telling me about themselves, very few want to really learn anything about me. For example, very few of my neighbors have any idea what I did for a living.
Which is okay. I don’t have a need to discuss my career, or my life for that matter. Although, if I’m honest, I probably am like everyone else that way.
But whether others learn of my history or not, I find them fascinating and feel lucky to know them.
At a party, for example, where you are familiar with only a few and suddenly find yourself standing with a group of strangers discussing things unknown to you.
Or after a move to a new neighborhood and you meet those living close by.
I used to be one of those misfits. In the party situation I would smile appropriately, nod sagely at a statement being made, and swivel my head in a desperate search for the location of my wife so I could join her and dwell in the safety of her aura.
With a new neighbor I was better. I would smile, say “Good morning,” and hurry on. A bit like a teenager who can’t even see an adult being passed on the sidewalk.
Then something happened. I got older. There definitely are disadvantages to aging. But there are advantages too. One is that you care less than before if someone thinks you’re a nutcase for opening your mouth and initiating a conversation. So I no longer hesitate at doing just that. The question was what this newly freed mouth should emit.
I came to realize that there is one topic of conversation almost everyone likes.
Themselves.
And that topic was easy to initiate.
With pauses for appropriate responses, my input might go something like this. “Hi, my name is Bob and it’s nice to meet you.” “Do you live near here?” “How do you know (inert name of host/hostess)?” Now the real question.. “What kind of work do you do?” And suddenly there is immense enthusiasm for a true conversation with shy little me, including all those in the group where I made my bold interrogation.
And it’s interesting for me, because I enjoy learning about what interests others and that usually inspires follow-up questions.
It’s easier meeting new neighbors, especially when you have a cute dog to win hearts. Almost everyone likes dogs, and many will initiate conversations so they can pat my dog or introduce him to their dog. For those not enamored with my pooch, I simply tell them my name, that I just moved in, and I really like living in the area they do. And almost uniformly everyone is welcoming.
But one thing I’ve noticed is that while almost everyone loves telling me about themselves, very few want to really learn anything about me. For example, very few of my neighbors have any idea what I did for a living.
Which is okay. I don’t have a need to discuss my career, or my life for that matter. Although, if I’m honest, I probably am like everyone else that way.
But whether others learn of my history or not, I find them fascinating and feel lucky to know them.
RSS Feed